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RunFession From the Dark Side

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I know there is a fun “runfessions” link up that happens on the last Friday of every month.

I missed it- or I guess I’m jumping ahead for April.

Hey- I’m early for something!  First time for everything, right?

So here it goes.

RunFession From the Dark Side


Gah- I’m so weak.  Here we go again, talking about my mental issues.  But until I get my shiz together, it’s going to be a topic I revisit.

Mentally running is such a challenge for me.  You guys know this, and I certainly hope I don’t try to sound like a runner who has it all together.  Cause, yeah, that’s the wrong blog, my friends!

RunFession: deferring the Star Wars dark side challenge tempted me Tuesday afternoon. Big time temptation.

Don’t worry BRF Alicia- I didn’t do it!

I clicked through the zillion screens to get to the part where you actually “sign on the dotted line” and quickly closed the screen.

Why?  What’s wrong?  Is there some underlying injury you haven’t mentioned? Some family crisis come up?


It’s all that mental BS that seems to flood my brain.  And the springtime is the WORST for it. Last year I took a break from running at this time.

On purpose.

the bobs

This year, I’ve taken a break from running.

Not on purpose.

For various reasons, at this point, I’m just not feeling this race.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m feeling a visit to Walt Disney World! Duh.  And you know my love of Star Wars runs 12 parsecs deep.

But the actual running of 19.3 miles sounds rather, well, evil right about now.

Storm troopers2

My excuses (and yep, I recognize they are excuses) include:

  • The weather. It’s going to be sooo hot and humid. I’m from Arizona, so this is a real problem.  I own my whining on this one. I crumble with humidity, so I’m already all doom and gloom over here. But hey, it’s Florida.  What are you going to do?
  • The course. I hated the Wine and Dine course- and basically, we are doing it in reverse.   And I get to do it twice (10K and a half). Bah.
  • A change of medication. It’s making me tired all the time. My body is starting to get used to it, and I’m feeling better this week, but for the past three weeks I’ve slept 11-12 hours a day. Take a moment and digest that.  A Mom.  Sleeping 11-12 hours a day.  That, my friends, is just not normal.
  • I find my lack of training disturbing. See the medication/napping concern above and tell me how I also got in long runs.  Yeah. I didn’t.

darth training

My last long run was a month ago, and it was all right.  Not my best, not my worst.

I’m not completely effed here, but I’m running out of time to make up the ground.  At best I’ll survive.  And worst, I get swept. Neither sound like the race I want to run, you know what I’m saying?

The smart thing to do is to let this one go.

But I didn’t defer.  And I’m not going to.

Here’s why:

  • I don’t want to be in this same position next year of running in hot as Hades April.  This is a one and done race for me, so trying to reschedule for next year doesn’t sound appealing.
  • I don’t want to waste the money by not going.  That’s just stupid.  But so is not training, so hey, there’s that.
  • I’m traveling with a friend I haven’t seen in a very long time.  I gotta hug that neck!  And I talked her into racing her first half in two years, so you know, I kinda owe it to her to be there.
  • I can complete the miles. I know I can.  It’s just not the race I wanted it to be.  Yes, I’m tired of hearing myself say that, too.  But I can do it, so I should just do it.  Embrace the Nike-ness of it and all that.
  • My marathoning badass friend Yanni will be there. 8-weeks post major surgery. If she can rock it out and face the miles, I can STFU, right?

yanni fight back

It’s not going to be fun.  I mean, it will be fun because it’s always fun with friends.  I would have hung up my Hokas a long time ago if it wasn’t.

But the race itself?  Nope, that’s going to suck, and I’ve got no one to blame but myself for that one.

You know what they say, runfession is good for the soul.  Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m putting on my big girl runner panties, and heading out the door.

I’m down, but not out, and I’ve got a Dark Side to defeat.

How do you work through the blips in training? Mental and physical tips are welcome!

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Jennifer Lefforge

Tuesday 5th of April 2016

Yeah, as I mentioned in another comment to you today, I forgot it was hot in Orlando in April. I'm not kidding. I forgot. Or #denial. But I have a good feeling that we're all going to love it and that the Run Disney magic will more than mollify!


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

You're awesome for being so transparent, Patty!

I've struggled with a lot of mental issues too that have derailed me for the past month or so. Because of school, anxiety was super high, among other things. It's been a struggle. But things have calmed down now and I hope to get back on track soon!

I have a half this weekend - we'll see how that goes! After that, I'm going to work with my favorite strength training program and an intermediate 5k training plan on the Nike+ app, just to get something manageable going.


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

Lauren, that sounds like my plan once I get back from Dark Side. Back to the gym, back to the weights, and back to the 5K for a very long time. Good luck this weekend- I have some friends going, and one of them likes to bring rain, sooo.... lol. Hope she doesn't curse you guys! Have fun!


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

Look at the race as a character builder and as future motivation to do better next time...and if similar circumstances like the ones that hit you pre-Dark Side, take comfort that despite all the shenanigans, you went and you finished...and that, should everything conspire against you and you feel the same about a future race, you know you can go in and finish and still be proud.

One of the proudest races of my life was one that due to a number of circumstances, I didn't train for and ended up having a most amazing time and met a lovely friend in the process.

I wish you and your friend safe travels, laughter filled miles and a smiling finish for Dark Side!


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

Thanks, Lisa. You have a great outlook on this. I will admit I was feeling highly negative when I wrote this. A run changes a lot- and I had a nice one today! A New Hope, if you will, has been born. Ha.

Judy @ Chocolaterunsjudy

Wednesday 30th of March 2016

You know what? I rarely get to race with friends. Run with them sometimes, yes. Race, rarely. Most just aren't my pace.

So I think you need to change it from Ugh! I'm not ready to race to Yeah! I get to race with my besties! That's the spin you need to do.

My second RnR Vegas was walked because I did it with a friend who was injured. Like, she could barely move the next day after finishing. It was actually the first half she DID finish, because she'd already been too injured to even run at all in the first two she signed up for (and probably shouldn't have even walked that one, but she was determined).

Running is about so many things, but even you yourself have said your friends are what keep you running. So run happy with those friends!


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

Thanks for the fresh perspective! You make a great point. Thanks Judy!


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

Sounds like adjusting to your meds has you a bit down. It will be a better race than you think! (I have no evidence to back this up, but try to think positive!) Hang in there, and hope you feel a lot better soon!


Wednesday 30th of March 2016

Negatives out. Positives in. Thanks for the kick in the tutu on this. It will be an experience to learn from either way, right?